"Be faithful in small things because it's in them that your strength lies." - Mother Theresa

ToNT.oRg

The other day I was mass deleting texts and by accident managed to get over 2000 texts on my desktop. 
That is QUITE a sight.
Overwhelmed, my stomach dropped & eyes bulged as I took in this visual representation of all those communications.
I'm not much of a texter, still, seeing them in this way reminded me of all those little things accumulating in our minds, feelings, being, and how, like these texts, are covering up all the access to NOW -- all pertinent desktop material BURIED in a mass of texts lined up in deep row upon row like an excessive & demented game of solitaire.

I took a deep breath, eyes still bulging for the foreseeable, now accompanied by simultaneous head shaking shock and awe at the NUMBER the MULTITUDE of these unimportant things now having to be dealt with concretely and absolutely - no saving them for later or mass means of deleting them - one by one they must be addressed and eradicated.
I dug in to deleting.

Endless click, click, clicking, dragging and waiting for computer to process the volume so the trash would even appear, this activity began and continued indefinitely as "calls of nature" were relegated to "only if bursting and then, wait longer."  After racing to the toilet like Gabby Thomas, back to the cathartic and necessary task.  
(Suffice it to say my hands are still aching from it.)

I started clicking in rhythm and making up songs then layer upon layer began to disappear and parts of the desktop became clear and visible again.
I started to enjoy the "getting rid of things" feeling.  Doing it concretely in this manner brought home not just an analogy, but an actuality:  You CAN LET GO; you, in fact, must if you're to truly live.

Our small thoughts, moment-to-moment, day-by-day can seem unimportant to us.  We may feel that due to their insignificance they're also insignificant to our lives.  We couldn't be more wrong.  Every fear, doubt, put down, sense of dread, remorse over the past or agreeing with the seemingly insurmountable, all of these determine our quality of life and our future.

Every little thought, feeling, action resonates at a certain vibration either elevating you to the sacred & reflecting your spiritual soul; or pulling you down into the profane (that which diminishes you); the bitter, unhappy, trashy, shame & anger-ridden aspects that, in their smallness (pettiness) are bad enough, but, in aggregate -- in VOLUME & consistency -- will bury you alive.

Perhaps you're making a real effort and, when you remember, and "thung sathi" (focus your spirituality) as the Buddhists say, you set your intentions along the conscious path but you're not feeling or seeing the results from these sincere adjustments.

Could it be that too much of your creative power has been used to paint a painful reality, a wearing away of your shine, dulling you so that all you're aware of is the nitty-gritty?  The granularity, not of the universe at its core, but of enduring endless self-inflicted attrition mutes your intrinsic goodness -- your greatness -- becoming but concepts on the periphery while, at your center, sands are blown about in windstorms causing you to lose ground & become blinded by thousands of tiny particles leaving you not knowing where to turn, how to go on, or when it will end.

First, if you're in such a state, you have to acknowledge it, awareness is key to change.  Toxic positivity is bandied about but much more prevalent is "persistent negativity."  If every little thought is in effect -- a prayer -- what, exactly, have you been praying for??!  You can't help being the powerful creative force you are, even if you're unconscious of it.  If you're subsisting on established patterns from long ago, like a bunch of texts taking up space you weren't aware of, invading and pervading the NOW to the point where all you're doing is living in the past, reacting as you were trained long ago having never confronted it -- or deleting it -- this parasitic action demanding so much attention and energy to maintain while you lose your life twice over:  First, to the blood sucker draining you to survive; second, to the preoccupation preventing you from getting to the good stuff, the REAL you, buried underneath all the pernicious thoughts & memories.

Secondly, if you're suffering with persistent negativity, know you can actually choose a different response:  You don't have to take it or tolerate what hangs over your head as you add more & more weight to your sword of Damocles ready to drop from the accumulation of your psychic hoarding.
It matters what you do.  It all matters.

Back to the mountain of texts... 
As I began to enjoy the deleting process on my computer I recalled we can all begin to absolve the once deemed tragic & with a little fun for once!  We ascribe perpetually "right, wrong, good, bad" as creatures of judgmental categorizing.  The need to categorize can come from a tendency to control due to our unease re: the uncertainties of the world, within and without.  Quick designations often lead to bizarrely strong attachments to our ad hoc snap judgments due to the need to be right, paramount for the insecure.  When living from fear, the entire lack-of-thought process is an act of delusion-preservation.

Those consciously on their spiritual path can't afford a lack-of-thought processes of any kind.  Clinging to what you knew, even if those revelations were sung by angels descended from heaven like "Josh Groban to deliver unto us gold records," (see "Glee") that's still in the past.  NOW and what WILL BE are what counts.  We can and should be grateful for all those stunning incidents where/when across the veil of ignorance comes an undeniable act of God.  These always promise how important you are, despite your idiotic protestations, and remain to light the way.  Bringing us into today, simply accept Spirit will never fail you -- cannot fail you  --  that you're unfailingly loved despite your attempts to reject it.

To be open to the gifts of NOW, it's time to let go of all those little things we "let slide" & become meticulous in the language, the imbued language we use upon our existence, mind, body, & being.  Listen to what you REALLY tell yourself and be ready with that delete button!  If it's not serving you it's not just unimportant but detrimental.  You have the choice, but not the right to treat yourself so unjustly.  You were made by divinity & belong to it.  Start acting like it.  Start THINKING like it.

Your misery may be great -- God is greater.  Paul Tillich when, in speaking of God, would explain that God is always greater than you think...  Whatever your understanding, God is beyond it.  This is why I call "God" the "Greater God."  Have you really let Spirit into your intimate life enough to see what It & you can accomplish together?

If you're loved enough to choose a course leading to your oblivion, you're more than loved enough to choose enlightenment & be given all the support you need to achieve it, but it will be your achievement.  Buddha under the Bodhi tree is not the only blessed soul to transcend and ascend.  This is both purpose and fate for us all.  Dawdling in the darkness needn't be permanent.  There's hazard in this choice and, like a mighty tree felled by termites, you can go down, too.

So, let's quit all the wishing, hoping, crossing of fingers, and waiting!  Let's act.

1.  If you need help ask for it.
Sometimes we're gripping to the point where our strength can no longer hold us.  If you think you're close to falling off the edge seek some help.  Sometimes a drug can be an assist for a period (consult your doctor).  Therapy with the right individual (there are free/sliding scale resources) can also give you the crucial helping hand to pull you away from a precarious precipice.

2.  Celebrate the small wins.
Today I found the right size attachment guard for my razor!  Sometimes I like to cut the back of my hair with a hair-clipping razor b/c I don't always want to go to the hairdresser and well, in menopause, you can become homicidally hot (especially in AZ).  Since moving I haven't really found where everything is, so, to find it today felt like a really special small but significant gift.  Recognize more of these.

3.  You don't HAVE to resolve every little thing.
Sometimes recurrent thoughts will flash in our minds, usually negative, almost never neutral, BUT, you don't have to take them seriously.  You don't HAVE to doom-spiral!  You don't even have to CONSIDER them!  If thoughts/feelings/memories are not serving you -- just delete them.  That's right.  It's that simple.  Trash them.  They take up a lot of space and needn't be replaced.  Jettisoning negativity does not leave a vacuum.  In fact, letting the junk go; easily, happily, naturally without struggle, worry, or woe will reveal everything you've been missing!  All the good stuff, the salient points will appear when you clear enough SPACE to listen, be led, even BREATHE, and start following through.

4.  Have faith that your Love is greater than your faults.
Complaining is addictive.  The little destructive voices within are an internal form of complaining!  It's definitely the way to stay stuck.  You bitch, bitch, bitch at yourself with impunity as though you're some punching bag to hit, kick, or push around.  NO MORE.  Face this inner bully with someone stronger --  your true and loving self -- and watch that cowardly wimp skulk away.  You, from a place of Love, backed by Spirit, is stronger than every vile thing you have faced, may be facing, or have yet to face -- even yourself. 

5.  Know as habitual patterns evolve the beauty of life unfolds.
Find a place (like here at tont.org) where you can regularly focus on your spirituality, regroup for the week, and sustain a steady path towards embodying all glorious things which are your birthright.  Traveling in waves is the theme of much of the universe, and this is how growth is: up & down, but where are you heading?  Communing with your essence should never be a "should."  Spirituality is not compulsory but participatory!  The aphorism goes, "God laughs in flowers."  Make it fun, d--- it!  This life will be over before you know it, instead of torturing yourself, enjoy yourself.

It's time.
  

Time of New Thought

​You're golden: accept it and start treating yourself that way.

(Let's delete & make it fun! - Play song below)